a welcome letter♡

hi!!! welcome to my blog!

i write to you as i write to myself. some things are realities from lessons learned, some things i am speaking into existence, and some are written from the trenches themselves

some days it feels like if i don’t get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper, my brain might explode

i created heldbyavery, my instagram account, in early 2025

it marked the beginning of a huge transition. it was when i began to crawl out of the skin i was living in and step into what feels like a completely different person

i shared the beginning of my yoga teaching journey. where i was at in my healing. anything and everything i love

i have always tried to put my whole heart into that account, even when writing about things in real time that still felt very tender

and no matter how raw what i wrote was, i never questioned if i was sharing too much. it always felt right

i believe the world needs more of that and far less curation. and i am a big believer in creating the things you want to see in the world

so as i became vulnerable on there, i made a conscious effort to never portray myself as “healed.”

because even when i was experiencing breakthroughs and relief, most of the time i was still neck deep in the goo, the inner work.

when i was low, trying to survive a hard season, i would write and post

when i felt like i had figured something out, i would write and post

and i put faith in the idea that maybe it would land with someone who needed it too

when someone would tell me something i wrote meant something to them, it made the suffering feel less random. like maybe the pain could be translated into something useful.

maybe if i can truly heal myself, i can help heal the world around me, in whatever form that may be..

but then with instagram comes “peak posting times,” likes, followers, and too much analyzation. and i start letting the algorithm dictate the value of my thoughts

so i created heldbyavery, website edition!!!

this gets to be my oasis. social media without the social.

i will still post on instagram, because i love that account. but here, no one will tell me “this caption is too long.” i don’t have to shrink what feels like a library in my brain

and then of course, i already catch myself trying to overthink it.

what is the overarching plot of this website? what is the bigger picture?

i start trying to turn something playful into a five year business plan before it has even taken its first breath. and if t becomes too serious, it will lose its magic to me

so i intend to keep this light. joyful. fluid.

knowing it doesn’t have to “be” anything right now besides something that feels exciting to me in this moment of time

maybe this becomes a platform to link my yoga classes or maybe i will sell my thrift finds. or maybe it stays one big digital scrapbook of my mind and adventures.

i’ll figure that out as i go

for now, i’ll share my story. that feels real. and have faith that whoever is meant to find it will.

soo what is next?

within the past few months, after so much winter reflection and a lotttt of stillness, i can safely say i don’t feel like i am in the goo anymore

and i do not say that lightly

the goo was 10000 doctors appointments. supplements. and still no real relief or answers

spiralling on google at 2am trying to make sense of symptoms

constant flares

food becoming something to fear and calculate instead of enjoy, yet then flaring anyway

cancelling plans, no energy

and despite never having energy, i could not relax. ever

which led to raging insomnia!

it felt like living in survival mode for so long that i forgot how to exist without scanning for danger

healing has been all consuming. and so many years of it

and finally, my first thought in the morning is no longer “how do i fix myself?”

i don’t believe healing is ever truly finished.

but i do think there comes a point where you feel whole again. where life no longer feels like an endless, desperate search for something, anything to make you feel better.

and i feeling whole, without the outside reach

without being imprisoned by constant symptoms, rigid restrictions, or suffocating self-deprecating thoughts, there is space!

i have felt a flow of energy through me that is best described as a childlike feeling. my creativity has returned, and the world feels big and exhilarating again

your own brain can become quite the prison if you let it.

so with this newfound freedom, it has felt like a push. i must go explore!

and have the utmost appreciation for the beauty of life after being on the other side of it.

and because i finally feel free, i want to see what life feels like beyond survival mode

bringing us tooooo

travel diaries

this section of the blog will be where i post from my travels!

i am going away for a couple of months and plan to bring my little laptop with me

i might post very frequently or maybe just here and there. i guess i will find out when i get there

it’s safe to say i have no idea what is coming next. and for a while, i let that be really scary.

but how exciting!

all i know is that i feel better. and simply getting through the day doesn’t exhaust me anymore.

some blog posts may be simply a photo album, because i think taking beautiful photos of the world as you see it, and of people you love, is just as spiritual as a long, profound realization or perspective.

although some posts may just be just that.

and some may be little notes or sudden thoughts that i feel i must share!

it is very probable you will find grammar mistakes, run on sentences, and unfinished thoughts.

if you are in your own goo right now, i hope this is proof you don’t live there forever.

i hope this can be a place for you to come and feel held,

and also very free.

love, avery