am i too sensitive?

or is the world too hard?

from the time I can form my very first memory I have been told I am too sensitive.

i have always pondered things long after they finish,

gripped tightly onto things long, long after i was supposed to let go,

stared at walls after movies end,

unable to start a new book until i have grieved the one i finished,

taken everything far too personally,

loved very deeply,

and of course walking through life carrying around what feels like the heaviest of hearts

and with this comes a bleeding heart, that I have had to patch up over and over

growing up i would have what felt like the world crashing down around me,

with emotions that you haven't yet figured out how to process, with intensity the size of title waves,

and then someone says, “you’re too sensitive!”

or

“let it go! move on! who cares!"

I do. always did.

but i would like to change the narrative now

as I get older and its safe to say that i have lived a large scale of negative emotions, and although they are still daunting,

I am far more equipped to welcome them, feel them, and let them pass through

which of course, only came with time and facing many, many negative emotions

I have spent my entire life thus far wondering why must I feel things so deeply?

only recently has it become

holy shit…

i get to feel things SO deeply

when I love, my heart physically aches

when I discover a new song that i love, or rediscover on old song that used to give me the same feeling,

its better than the first day of spring. the effect it has on my body, i cannot explain

I want to inject it into my veins

when I love a food, I will have it every single day and enjoy it to great lengths each time

and I don’t mean ice cream or Reese’s peanut butter cups

i mean each day I eat a sweet potato is a lovely day

when I see a view at the top of a mountain after a hike,

jump in the ocean,

lay in the grass on a summer day,

they aren’t just lived,

they are felt and engraved to the depths of my soul

a plane ride home is never just a plane ride home, it’s reflection, pondering, bathing, and marinating in all that the trip was

so yes, I have seen lows, lows that were so unbearably suffocating but I have also come out the other side each time a bit more whole.

there is still much more life to be lived, of course,

but the rollercoaster of ups and downs have prepped me for a very fulfilling life of riding the wave rather than letting life drown me

so the next time it feels like the whole world gets to skim the surface and fly right past things,

while you’re stuck having to live beneath them

remember

that is your superpower. you get to be up in the sky with the stars and the moon, inhaling all of the beautiful moments while the rest of the world is on earth

what else are we here for if not to have a rich, all-consuming human experience?

and maybe everyone else feels too little

so with much contemplation i have decided I will take mourning moments before they even end

and practically living in a state of nostalgia

over being numb any day

not that i have ever had a choice

and what a beautiful and full life of feeling things all so deeply

and of being oh so very sensitive

all this to say, it becomes challenging in a world that will attempt to turn you cold time and time again

but refrain from this urge at all costs.

the world doesn’t need more people to be “hard” and “tough.”

as the world becomes more and more digital,

now more than ever the world needs more authenticity, realness, expression

it is in your very best interest to stay as tender as possible

and you are, of course, a museum of everything that you have ever loved and all of the holes that you have dragged yourself out of

I think to feel as much as we can is the whole point

love avery